Miriam’s Magical Presence
May 13th, 2012
by Jennifer Ludders
Miriam, a 17-year-old, arrived in the pediatric oncology ward the same day I did, projecting a half-smile as she attempted to mask her pain. Her mother, who was by her side, didn’t even attempt to hide the troubles that bore down heavily on her face and shoulders. Deborah introduced herself to them both as an EFT practitioner who has been working in the hospital for almost 5 years, helping kids and their families with the emotional aspects of the illness. She explained that tapping has incredible effects on our state of wellbeing and health, and said that she would be available to work with both of them and teach them tools to feel better. She went over to Miriam and began tapping with her about how difficult it was to be in the hospital, about missing her friends and family, and other aspects. She even tapped on the phrase: “Even though I’m wearing this mask, pretending to be happy”, which by the end of the tapping session had translated into a hesitant but genuine smile.
The next day Deborah brought Miriam a TappyBear, which she embraced immediately and never left her arms thereafter. I had more of a chance to talk to Miriam and get to know her. She was from a small village several hours away from Oaxaca by bus – too far for her friends to come visit. However, she had talked to her two best friends, Sophia and Caro, on the phone before I’d arrived. She seemed to be settling in, though still very sad about being in the hospital so far from her family and friends. I asked her if she wanted to tap on that sadness and she nodded her head. So we tapped on the blue sadness in her chest and she allowed herself to cry, which I encouraged, telling her how important it was to really feel her feelings so that they could be released.
Early the following week, Miriam was in high spirits. Her mother had braided her hair and she even had a splash of pink lipstick, which brightened her radiant smile. She said she was feeling good and I started becoming hopeful that she would be able to make a full recovery and go home early. But surprisingly, the next day Miriam had a fever. She was huddled in a fetal position on her side, with her mother standing above hugging her and crying. All of her bed sheets were soaked with sweat. Deborah said that it is not uncommon for the kids to have fevers as they undergo treatment – usually their bodies are trying to dispel the toxic affects of the chemotherapy. Most likely she would be just fine.
However, when Deborah and I went into the room the following day, Miriam was no longer in her bed. My heart sank. “Where was she?” We asked the nurse and the nurse said in a very matter-of-fact tone, without even looking up from her chart,”Se murió.” “She died.” I was in shock. How could this have happened? She seemed so primed for swift recovery!
The other two kids who shared Miriam’s room were asleep when it happened so they didn’t know. However, their mom’s knew and were clearly shaken, realizing that the same thing could just as easily happen to their own little ones. Deborah pulled them into another room and tapped with them. She tapped to address that very fact, that even though this had happened to Miriam, it didn’t mean it would happen to their child too. Each child is different and has his/her own healing journey. Yet it was natural to feel sad and it was natural to be scared. I was able to shed a few tears for Miriam during that tapping session, which I think indirectly also gave the other mothers permission to feel their sadness.
Miriam’s death brought home the harsh reality of working with kids with cancer – many do not survive their treatment. Why some choose to stay while others, such as Miriam, choose to leave their bodies remains a mystery. However, one thing is certain: the sweet image of Miriam with her braid and pink smile tightly holding onto TappyBear, will ever remain etched in my heart.
